Me and will - Photoshop Tutorials | Photoshop Contests

banned · 09-07-2006, 08:37 PM

It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, will Smith, woke up in a bush. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly stunned, will Smith hit a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved halo 2 was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, t100 from terminator. will Smith had known t100 from terminator for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. t100 from terminator was unique. He was charismatic though sometimes a little... clueless. will Smith called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

t100 from terminator picked up to a very calm will Smith. t100 from terminator calmly assured him that most legless puppies yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually explosively turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting will Smith. Why was t100 from terminator trying to distract will Smith? Because he had snuck out from will Smith's with the halo 2 only six days prior. It was a eccentric little halo 2... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before will Smith got back to the subject at hand: his halo 2. t100 from terminator turned red. Relunctantly, t100 from terminator invited him over, assuring him they'd find the halo 2. will Smith grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, t100 from terminator realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the halo 2 and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if will Smith took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, he had take at least eight minutes before will Smith would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then t100 from terminator would be abundantly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, t100 from terminator was interrupted by six clueless ant eaters that were lured by his halo 2. t100 from terminator sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he fearlessly reached for his wolverine and aimlessly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the time machine rolling up. It was will Smith.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, will Smith was out of the time machine and went surreptitiously jaunting toward t100 from terminator's front door. Meanwhile inside, t100 from terminator was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the halo 2 into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his time machine. t100 from terminator was concerned but at least the halo 2 was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' t100 from terminator wildly purred. With a hasty push, will Smith opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering rationality-deprived retard in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' t100 from terminator assured him. will Smith took a seat tragically close to where t100 from terminator had hidden the halo 2. t100 from terminator turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But will Smith was distracted. As if it really mattered t100 from terminator noticed a funny-smelling look on will Smith's face. will Smith slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

t100 from terminator felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when will Smith asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the halo 2 right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on will Smith's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. will Smith nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before t100 from terminator could react, will Smith aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The halo 2 was plainly in view.

will Smith stared at t100 from terminator for what what must've been four minutes. A few unfulfilled decades later, t100 from terminator groped scandalously in will Smith's direction, clearly desperate. will Smith grabbed the halo 2 and bolted for the door. It was locked. t100 from terminator let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, will Smith,' he rebuked. t100 from terminator always had been a little oafish, so will Smith knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before t100 from terminator did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he gripped his halo 2 tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

t100 from terminator looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from will Smith. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for will Smith. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. t100 from terminator walked over to the window and looked down. will Smith was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, will Smith was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind t100 from terminator's place. will Smith had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral ant eaters suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the halo 2. One by one they latched on to will Smith. Already weakened from his injury, will Smith yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of ant eaters running off with his halo 2.

But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored will Smith's halo 2. Feeling concerned, God smote the ant eaters for their injustice. Then He got in His wannabe go-fast Civic and sped away with the fortitude of 61 albino cats running from a little pack of spotted wolf hamsters. will Smith jumped with joy when he saw this. His halo 2 was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, thats so raven, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet unborn fetus'). will Smith was excited. And so, everyone except t100 from terminator and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting spotted wolf hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.