| funny motor insurance claims
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into
a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early." (thanks N Bradley)
"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle
of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an
Australian claim form - ack N Shepherd)
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one
eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon
Burrows)
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I
thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I
realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a
blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A:
Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the
claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q:
What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an
elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion
reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked
her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a
hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry
Wogan."
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran
into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did
not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a
ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head
through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before
I hit him."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and
had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place
where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found
that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the
road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof
of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with
a big mouth."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of
the way when I struck the front end."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest
in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to
what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction
going the opposite way."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it
was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several
times before."
"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and
crashed into the other car."
"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the
corner without giving a signal."
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened
if the other driver had been alert."
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with
injuries."
"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress
when we met on impact."
"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a
skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
"My car got hit by a submarine." (The Navy informed the wife of a
submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet
her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to
berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end
of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the
water. The Navy paid the compensation claim. (Thanks Jay
Kuivinen)
__________________
boobs
| 
Linear Mode
